So, needless to say that the last few days have been not so good. Just when I think there can't be any more speed bumps in this whole divorce/moving on post divorce situation, I am blindsided again!! In my mind, which I realize may have been a little too unrealistic, my ex-husband and I would be able to have a friendly and respectful relationship. I figured, the past is the past and no matter what, he is the father of my child, I am the mom to his two children that we raised together, and we were married and had a strong love for each other at one time. I guess I should have known better, especially considering I know who I am dealing with. Shame on me!! Since our separation, I have been continuously lied to and mistreated (just like in my marriage really)!!
In the past I have blogged about the girlfriend and how it was kept a secret from me for months. He had stated dating her before the divorce was even final. Well, I took that hard, but I was on my way of getting over it, then my son starts coming home from his dad's house crying that his dad is making him lie to me and that the girlfriend actually lives with him. Well, instead of jumping to conclusions, I approached the ex and talked to him about it. He always denied it and just said that Truett was confused because she was there all the time. Why does it matter if she lives with him you may be asking? One, it's in our divorce agreement that for the protection of the kids, neither one of us is to live with someone unless we are married. Two, it's a big deal because if I am not aware of it, I am not able to explain to my son who is young and experienced a lot of change in the last year as to what is going on. Finally, I did some digging, and low and behold, she does indeed live with him and has since way before I was even aware that she existed! Not only that, but I then find out that they have been together at least since the day we separated...jury is still out on whether it was previous to the separation. But the biggest issue of all is the fact that he has had our three kids lying to me about all of this the whole time!! I could never imagine asking my kids to lie to their father and putting that kind of pressure on them!! It absolutely repulses me!! My four year old son would come to me regularly crying because of the guilt he felt that his father was asking him to lie to me!! For you parents out there, you understand the pain that you feel when your child is going through something like that!! You can mess with me all you want, but when you bring my child into it, it's war!!
There are so many other things that have been going on with this that I don't even want to start to get into, but I am just so hurt that someone that I was so madly in love with at one point and shared everything with could turn and treat me so poorly!! Of course, his excuse it that he was doing it to protect me...really? I am supposed to believe that?! Not for one second!! I was married to you remember...I know that you are not capable of thinking about anyone else but yourself!! All of the stress and pain has just overwhelmed me! I have actually been vomiting so hard from it all that I burst the blood vessels in my face!! Let's see how long it takes for that to go away!! I look down right scary!!!
I know that one day I will look back at this and wonder why I even let it get to me like this. At this point it is so new and hurts so bad, it's hard to imagine that that time will ever come. While my son is my whole world and makes all of this worth it, it's so hard to not be overcome with the pain of betrayal and the loneliness I feel!!
"Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something right. It’s just another step on the way to your divine destiny."---Joel Osteen I read this the other day on Joel Osteen's Facebook page and it hit home so well!! Even though I have questioned myself, I know that leaving my marriage was the right decision! I am just so ready for all of this to be done with and be able to move on in life and find someone who is willing to see what I have to offer and appreciate it!!
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